It is not what you say, but how you say it
Long time readers of my blog may recall that over the last few years, around this time (the Jewish Holidays of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur) I tend to get a little reflective. I think about some of the things that are bothering me, and write a blog entry to help clear my mind, and share my thoughts with you. Based on certain upsetting behaviors and situations I've witnessed during the last year or so (in our Lotus community), here are the three topics I'd like to discuss.
#1. We're not in high school any more.
#2. There really is grey.
#3. It is not what you say, but how you say it.
First up, there seem to be certain cliques forming. For almost every blog thread I read, before even scanning down the discussion I can usually guess who is going to side with whom. If person (or company) A says something, I know X,Y, and Z are going to agree with them whole heartily. If person (or company) B says something, P,Q, and R will certainly agree with them. And never, never, never will persons A and B agree! I see this happening with Lotus specific topics, when discussing Lotus versus the competition, as well as a variety of other emotion provoking issues in our industry like open standards, feature wars, market share, etc. I can understand why this happens. The people forming these cliques most likely see things the same way, so logically they support each other. I'd really like to see people break away from their expected behaviors from time to time. That might occasionally mean agreeing with (or even complimenting) "the other side". It might mean going against "the company line" from time to time. And sometimes it might mean putting your ego in check long enough to say something that contradicts the on-line image you might believe people have of you.
Second, the world is not just black or white, or perhaps for the computer folks, not everything is a 1 or a 0. That is not how the real world works. Far too often I witness people unable to accept that things change, or that something they once believed is no longer valid. Guess what. Microsoft is not always evil. Google is not always the model for the new world. Apple is not always the best or easiest. Lotus does not just equal Domino. Web 2.0 things are not always cool. Web 2.0 things are not always a waste of time. The list goes on and on. It is extremely frustrating to me to read so many opinionated posts and comments where people absolutely refuse to bend their beliefs, or to accept that someone other than themselves may be right. Please, please, please... open your mind (and your heart) and from time to time, try and see things from another point of view, you may just learn something.
Which takes me to this year's final (and most important) item...
There is an old saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I don't think that is necessarily true. Instead, I prefer the saying "It is not what you say, but how you say it."
Those that know me, know that I try and be a very positive person. I feel blessed with my family, my friends, my job, and the various communities I am a part of. I try and share my optimism and enthusiasm with those around me. For me, the answer to the rhetorical question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" is an obvious "half full". I strongly believe in karma, and feel that the world (which we all contribute to) would be a better place with less negativity. You might think something you say or do is of little consequence, but a lot of little things can quickly add up.
Don't misunderstand me. I DO NOT believe that IBMers, partners, customers, press, etc. should only talk about the good things Lotus is doing and leave out their questions, their criticisms, and their concerns. Those are all equally (and sometimes more) important than praise and cheering. Ask any of the Lotus product managers, marketing managers, interface designers, or code developers how critical I can be of things! Where I find myself EXTREMELY frustrated at times is the manner in which people sometimes phrase (or frame) their negativity. This could be as simple as the items they choose to fixate on, and the items they choose to ignore. The issues they like to provoke, and the facts they like to leave out.
Again, don't get me wrong. Sensitive topics should be approached. Difficult questions should be asked. Contrary opinion should be voiced. However, try and think about the phrase "It is not what you say, but how you say it.". I think the world in general would be a much happier place if people kept that in mind.
Alright, I've written, and edited this about 100 times now. I'm a much better talker than writer, but I hope the words above have captured some of the essence of what I am trying to convey. While you may not agree with everything I've said, I hope this has at least provide you with some things to think about. Time for me to get to bed!
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#1. We're not in high school any more.
#2. There really is grey.
#3. It is not what you say, but how you say it.
First up, there seem to be certain cliques forming. For almost every blog thread I read, before even scanning down the discussion I can usually guess who is going to side with whom. If person (or company) A says something, I know X,Y, and Z are going to agree with them whole heartily. If person (or company) B says something, P,Q, and R will certainly agree with them. And never, never, never will persons A and B agree! I see this happening with Lotus specific topics, when discussing Lotus versus the competition, as well as a variety of other emotion provoking issues in our industry like open standards, feature wars, market share, etc. I can understand why this happens. The people forming these cliques most likely see things the same way, so logically they support each other. I'd really like to see people break away from their expected behaviors from time to time. That might occasionally mean agreeing with (or even complimenting) "the other side". It might mean going against "the company line" from time to time. And sometimes it might mean putting your ego in check long enough to say something that contradicts the on-line image you might believe people have of you.
Second, the world is not just black or white, or perhaps for the computer folks, not everything is a 1 or a 0. That is not how the real world works. Far too often I witness people unable to accept that things change, or that something they once believed is no longer valid. Guess what. Microsoft is not always evil. Google is not always the model for the new world. Apple is not always the best or easiest. Lotus does not just equal Domino. Web 2.0 things are not always cool. Web 2.0 things are not always a waste of time. The list goes on and on. It is extremely frustrating to me to read so many opinionated posts and comments where people absolutely refuse to bend their beliefs, or to accept that someone other than themselves may be right. Please, please, please... open your mind (and your heart) and from time to time, try and see things from another point of view, you may just learn something.
Which takes me to this year's final (and most important) item...
There is an old saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I don't think that is necessarily true. Instead, I prefer the saying "It is not what you say, but how you say it."
Those that know me, know that I try and be a very positive person. I feel blessed with my family, my friends, my job, and the various communities I am a part of. I try and share my optimism and enthusiasm with those around me. For me, the answer to the rhetorical question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" is an obvious "half full". I strongly believe in karma, and feel that the world (which we all contribute to) would be a better place with less negativity. You might think something you say or do is of little consequence, but a lot of little things can quickly add up.
Don't misunderstand me. I DO NOT believe that IBMers, partners, customers, press, etc. should only talk about the good things Lotus is doing and leave out their questions, their criticisms, and their concerns. Those are all equally (and sometimes more) important than praise and cheering. Ask any of the Lotus product managers, marketing managers, interface designers, or code developers how critical I can be of things! Where I find myself EXTREMELY frustrated at times is the manner in which people sometimes phrase (or frame) their negativity. This could be as simple as the items they choose to fixate on, and the items they choose to ignore. The issues they like to provoke, and the facts they like to leave out.
Again, don't get me wrong. Sensitive topics should be approached. Difficult questions should be asked. Contrary opinion should be voiced. However, try and think about the phrase "It is not what you say, but how you say it.". I think the world in general would be a much happier place if people kept that in mind.
Alright, I've written, and edited this about 100 times now. I'm a much better talker than writer, but I hope the words above have captured some of the essence of what I am trying to convey. While you may not agree with everything I've said, I hope this has at least provide you with some things to think about. Time for me to get to bed!
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